If you got wind of the Ohio case and any part of you thought it was the girl’s fault, in other words victim blaming, then congratulations, you’re part of the problem that promotes the actions of violent sexists.
That’s the sort of shit that has dudes thinking they can do and say as they please to women with no expected retribution. To these folks, the world is their playground and there is no such thing as mutual respect for women especially under the context of sports entertainment.
I have always been indifferent to the entertainment side of sports, but when I see things like this happen I can’t help to feel that indifference turn to utter disgust in the type and level of indulgence people have in these sports where the well-being and reputation of an innocent female is nearly if not fully destroyed (and let’s not forget what rape does to the human psyche and thus body as the two are greatly entwined). You teach a child to treat a human as below you just because of their gender or sexual orientation and you can be sure that this will have massive implications in the future of that child as seen in this instance and the reaction of the town folk who have also been obviously brain fed into patriarchy. This case is just one of the hundreds that occur each year, and then there are the ones that go unnoticed or unspoken because of negligence, ignorance, racial, or other fucked up reasons.
[tw: rape] As a culture, we still refuse collectively to accept that most rapes are committed by ordinary men, men who have friends and families, men who may even have done great or admirable things with their lives. We refuse to accept that nice guys rape, and they do it often. Part of the reason we haven’t accepted it is that it’s a painful thing to contemplate – far easier to keep on believing that only evil men rape, only violent, psychotic men lurking in alleyways with pantomime-villain moustaches and knives, than to consider that rape might be something that ordinary men do. Men who might be our friends or colleagues or people we look up to. We don’t want that to be the case. Hell, I don’t want that to be the case. So, we all pretend it isn’t. Justice, see?
Actually, rape is very common. Ninety thousand people reported rape in the United States in 2008 alone, and it is estimated that over half of rape victims never go to the police, making the true figure close to 200,000. Between 10 and 20 per cent of women have experienced rape or sexual assault. It’s so common that – sorry if this hurts to hear – there’s a good chance you know somebody who might have raped someone else. And there’s more than a small chance he doesn’t even think he did anything wrong, that he believes that what he did wasn’t rape, couldn’t be rape, because, after all, he’s not a bad guy.
trigger warning: molestation, victim blaming, misogyny
I’ve been avoiding makiny this post for so long out of fear, but I’m done being silenced.
As some of you know, Derek (socialistscum) came to visit me over the summer. We had been “internet dating” up until that point, so we were expecting his trip to be incredible. Instead, it was a horrible failure. He ended his trip a week earlier than planned, bashed me on his blog for ruining his trip, and supposedly moved on, heroically not holding any grudges against me. The reality of the situation couldn’t be further from the truth.
While Derek was here, he was imposing, pushy, creepy, and manipulative. He touched me without my consent throughout the entire trip. I told him multiple times, including as soon as we saw each other for the first time, that I didn’t feel comfortable with him and that I didn’t think we could be sexual. In spite of this, he still touched me. I literally froze up when he did things to me, clenching my muscles and barely moving, but he didn’t stop. He touched me without my consent pretty much every day for the entire trip.
Derek maintained a controlling and threatening environment in order to continue molesting me without extreme resistance. He used “nice guy” rhetoric to try to guilt me into accepting his advances and to be even more sexual with him. He complained about how he came so far out to see me and got extremely grumpy and annoyed when I didn’t return his affections. He was overbearing, watching my computer screen, following me when I would just get up to get a glass of water, etc.
He also made my roommate extremely uncomfortable. After knowing her for all of two days, he talked to her about how horny he was and how annoyed he was that I wasn’t putting out for him. She was very upset and told me not to leave her alone again.
At the end of the first week, I was crippled with fear. I felt dirty, used, small, and scared. I couldn’t stand being around him, but I couldn’t leave him alone at my house with my roommate. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I stupidly agreed to front the cash for him to get an early flight home, which he is now refusing to pay me back for.
Derek’s responses after he got home did as much, if not more, damage than his actions at my house. He blamed me entirely for what happened. He constructed some story about how our relationship didn’t work out because I didn’t try hard enough.
After I called him out on what he had done, he was initially apologetic. He called me, crying his eyes out, saying he never meant to hurt me, he felt so bad, etc. Once he discovered that I wasn’t going to crawl back to his arms, though, his already blatant misogyny came tearing through. He completely denied that he had done anything wrong, claiming that I should have somehow been more clear that I didn’t want him to touch me, which is typical rapist logic. (I’m not sure how “I’m not comfortable being with you romantically or sexually” and then flinching and tensing at contact doesn’t make that clear.) He admitted to some things but said I was at fault for them, then turned around and denied that he did them all together. He claimed I made it up because I loved being a victim (because every woman just dreams of being molested by someone they trust). I’m not sure what his story will be when he replies to his, but I am sure it will be completely different from all of the other stories he’s given me about what happened.
Although I know some will claim that this is out of character for Derek, it really is not. He has been misogynistic, creepy, overbearing, and all around a shitty ally many, many times in the past. I’m sure many of you have been contacted by him asking for naked pictures/videos (especially if you’re a sex worker), or being very affectionate and lovey-dovey despite barely knowing him, or just being very sexual without gauging your interest in hearing about his sex life. And even if he just did these things to me when we first started talking, that behavior isn’t excusable.
He has advocated for violence against women (link, analysis, analysis 2), he has used pictures of women as trophies of his masculinity, deflecting criticism with bro quips like “you’re just jealous girls this hot won’t hang out with you” (I tried looking for links to this, but it looks like he deleted those posts), he has called an Afghan woman a “drone” (link), and he threatens women who call him out (link). These are all very recent occurrences, too.
Derek is a creepy older man who manipulates people on the internet to give himself an ego boost. He fools people into thinking he’s a great anarchist comrade and feminist ally, throwing around academic language and buzz words to construct himself as a radical activist. In reality, he literally does nothing but sit around his parents’ house smoking weed and blogging. His only hiatus from that was to come to my house to molest me and creep out my roommate.
Part of my fear of posting this is that Derek is very good at manipulation. He fooled me into thinking he was some awesome anarcho feminist for seven months. He’s able to deflect very serious call outs of his misogyny by lying about what he did, joking around, making up a new story, threatening his accusers into silence, or just deleting his posts. There also seems to be a group of “famous” bloggers that Derek is a part of that defend each other without question, as well. I didn’t want to make a post, have him deflect it, and then have even more victim blaming shit thrown on me. I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
But you know what? I’m sick of seeing my sisters drool over men who secretly have their boots to their faces. I’m sick of sitting quietly horrified, replaying traumatic experiences in my head, while my abusers get to live their lives carefree. I’m sick of being bashed for being a victim by the very people who claim to fight against victim blaming. I’m sick of watching molesters and misogynists get praised for feminist commentary that they stole from less popular women bloggers. I’m sick of getting fucked over worse by “feminist” men than by overtly sexist men. And most of all, I’m fucking sick of being treated like an object for radical and non-radical men alike to play with when they’re bored.
Derek molested me. He engaged in victim blaming in order to ease his guilt and silence me. He threatens women, he objectifies them, he is overbearing with sexual advances, and he is just all around a piece of shit. He deserves what any misogynistic abuser, molester, or rapist deserves. There are plenty more of him hiding in our midst, both in real life and on tumblr, and I don’t want to be afraid of them anymore.
Derek Osika, Derek Christopher Osika, who lives in Gainesville, Florida, is a molester. He also coerced underage girls into sending him naked pictures of themselves, making him a pedophile and a child abuser.
Damn that’s some fucked up shit.